The week before Halloween was full of interesting tests for me. There were vampires lurking at every corner of that hospital. Luckily most of the blood they needed was acquired through my port lines. On Tuesday I had a CT scan where I had to drink that lovely, thick white goop. I think that is the main reason they ask you to fast before, so it becomes somewhat tolerable on an empty stomach. That test was followed by a heart scan to see how my heart has held up to the chemo so far.
Wednesday I fasted again for the whole-body Pet scan. This will determine what is left of the cancer, if any. The techs were really trying to make it a good experience for me even though they strapped me to the table and put tape across my forehead to hold it in place. I told them their drink tasted like a Dairy Queen treat compared to the day before. This was one test where I have practiced enough of the mind over matter ‘Yoda’ stuff that when I got itches during the 30 minutes, I told myself it really didn’t itch.
Thursday was my pulmonary lung test to see how my lungs will hold up to their chemo. I was in a small decompression chamber for an hour doing different kinds of breathing. At the end of these tests, all they do is thank you and smile and not give a hint of how you did. Only the Dr. can tell you about them.
So, tomorrow is the big Dr. meeting where she will go over the tests with me to see what the next plan is. Hopefully it is to move forward with their chemo and then the transplant. I can tell my body is stronger because I am able to walk on the treadmill longer each day, and I feel like starting the day in my shoes instead of my slippers. My appetite is good and I have gained weight rather than lose it.
I met an elevator angel on the first day I was there last week. We were in the patient elevator together, but she was being wheeled in a bed. She was older, but had a twinkle in her eyes. I knew because of her duck mask and cap that she was ‘one of us’, so I said I was going to give her a clap. The elevator man told me she was going home the next day. I told her that deserved two claps. She said, “Yes, it had been 24 days!”
The next day I met her again, waiting for the same elevator, only this time she was dressed and in a wheelchair pushed by her husband. I got excited for her again as we talked about her going home. In the elevator she turned to me and said, “It’s not as bad as you think, they take good care of you.” Then she looked at me and said, “keep up your spirits!” It was just what I needed to hear that day!
From there I went to the waiting room, where I saw a younger gal going into a room and saying hello to the receptionists, like she was familiar with the place. While she was making an appt. I noticed how good she looked with her long hair, make-up, and overall look. I asked her if she had been through all this? “Yes,” she said, “62 days!” Wow, I said, you look great. (They had told us it would probably take about 100 days from transplant to get back to life, and I was thinking, wow, if she can do it, I can, too.) She went to get ice and when she returned I asked her what kind of cancer? She told me leukemia and I asked if she used her own cells? “Oh,” she said, “it’s my husband and he’s in there having an IV. He has his good days and bad.” Well, that burst my bubble, but it was fun to laugh about later.
My son, Mark, sent me the following email after the caregiver class: “So Mom, I forgot to tell you that they told us in the caregiver class that once you are released you are not able to receive any more tattoos or body piercings. I know you had had your eye on a tattoo of Sully from Dr. Quinn for your right ankle, but now it will have to wait! Oh the things cancer makes you give up.....”
Oh, but the things I have gained, also: a closeness to my Heavenly Father and Savior that only comes at hard times like this, a greater love and bond with my family members, a greater love for my friends and everyone who is praying for me and giving me of their strength and help. It really is becoming a sacred time for me.
1 comment:
I'm just looking back over your blog and thinking about you. I remember a Relief Society lesson I taught where you shared your excitement about raising your child in the next realm and another time when you entered a bus on your mission and felt like you were glowing from the power of the Spirit. I think you are glowing like that now for many people. I can imagine Heavenly Father up there thinking, "What trial can I give Karen that will challenge her and help her "cling" since she is already so spiritual and righteous?" And this is what He decided would help teach you and all of us watching alongside you as you go through it. I think of you often! Let's hear a post about how you spend your time. Do you listen to books on tape? Do you get bored? How is your hospital down time and waiting time spent?
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