I am still smiling about my daughter’s wedding weekend, but first rewind time to Thanksgiving weekend. I was physically and mentally at my worst. I had seen Aubri and Bryan for a few minutes in the hospital, but on Sunday as they drove through snowy roads back to Provo, I was mourning the fact that the timing of my illness would cause me to miss my daughter’s wedding. I prayed, asking for comfort, knowing there was a reason for it all. Monday night I had a blessing that my ear ache and fever would calm down and I would be calm and able to sleep. I did, and the next day, (Nov. 30), the Dr. felt I was well enough to be released.
At that time my goal was to attend her small wedding on Saturday (Dec. 18) and with my family’s help, it was looking like a go. Then, two days before the wedding I saw my Dr. and she said I was doing so well that I should attend everything. To be honest, this caught me off guard and I looked at Mark, questioning this. Was I really ready to come out into the world? After five months of pajama’s or hospital gowns this was a scarey prospect.
I knew the Lord had provided this miracle for me and I prayed for the faith to move forward. It was an amazing weekend from beginning to end and I needed it to bring closure to my life with Aubri as my single daughter.
I was able to attend the wedding dinner Fri. night, which the Blacker family presented beautifully. I had fully intended to be there via skype and had typed out my advice to the couple for Mark to read. I was able to sit at the table with his parents, next to Aubri, and deliver my thoughts in person. The love of family from both sides was very strong.
The wedding was Sat. at 12:45 in the LDS Temple. It was a small group of family in a room filled with love and eternity. I was able to be in a wheelchair and sit next to Aubri again. The love that filled their eyes was deep and forever. I needed to see that. They couldn’t stop smiling, or keep their eyes off one another. A new link in my posterity was formed.
One of the special parts of the whole weekend was being able to help her dress, and lace up the back of her wedding gown, at least three times, for pictures, wedding, and reception. Just one of those many things I will remember forever. She was healthy and able to stay here, which we had prayed for. Russell was also able to come from Nashville and took over as my care-giver for the week. Mark was a key player in the wedding planning and I was able to see Alisa and my granddaughters finally after many weeks.
My energy was running low, but I was so excited to be able to attend the reception in person. I participated in pictures, then sat at a far table to observe for a while. It was a gift of love to me and my family how everything came together, from decorations, food, set up and clean up, to all the little details you take for granted at others’ receptions. Thanks to all of you who helped in anyway. Thanks, also, to those who attended on this very busy Saturday night. I could just feel the love and support in that room.
I can’t express enough thanks to my Savior and Heavenly Father for their love and strength that allowed me to do this. I know miracles still happen and I was part of one.
“For with God, nothing shall be impossible. And Mary said, ‘Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word’.” (Luke 1:37-38)
Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
HO HO HOME Again!
It’s been a whole week I have been home now and I finally have enough energy to begin my blog again. I was greeted at home by my mother and sisters, with a big, warm red robe for around the house and a big, white one to cuddle into after my showers. There have been two of them around day and night for the past week, and they have not stopped a minute. I thank them and other friends who totally cleaned my living area to make it germ free. Sometimes between my care givers’ cleaning and specific food prep we will watch a Hallmark Christmas movie together. At one of those times Kathy remarked that it was like ‘Little Women’ and we were stuck inside for the winter.
I checked out of the hospital after 26 days. This is about average for many patients, but shorter for others. I usually had a family member visit me each day, which was a blessing, but many of the hours seemed to go very slowly. They had a TV in my room and a big library of dvd’s, but my vision was too blurry to watch anything. I was happy to have Kathy’s laptop, but my fingers/mind wouldn’t work right. So I did a lot of pondering and visiting (talking out loud) with the Lord. He understands chemo brain. (Kind of like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, minus the dramatics). I tried to keep the thoughts positive and a big bulletin board of family pictures directly in front of my bed helped with that. That was my focus and brought up many fun conversations about my beautiful family and the upcoming wedding.
One world record I might have broken was that I ate cooked oatmeal with a half cut up washed banana in it, three meals a day for the entire 26 days. It worked for me. There were times I could barely swallow and my mouth sores were so bad, that the soft texture would just slide down. It agreed with my taste buds and stayed down most of the time. I didn’t have to decide what I wanted each meal. Some days I would eat a few bites, and other days, more. Some of the nurses teased me about my diet, but I didn’t have to be fed via IV tube.
Some things I took for granted again and now realize that I’m home: I can flush the toilet. They had to measure every drop in and out of me, so I never got to flush. My dad was the hero when he bought me some very soft toilet paper. Theirs was so thin, you could see through it. I also get to brush with a real toothbrush. I could only use sponge ones there so my mouth wouldn’t bleed. I also have a heater in my bathroom I can control during my showers.
My goal now is to be able to attend my daughter’s wedding (sealing) on the afternoon of the 18th. It may be with wheelchair, gloves, masks, and maybe just parents, but it will be worth it. The Dr.’s think this can work, so I’m trying to do more water drinking, walking, getting out in the sun each day, and doing back exercises. Keep in mind these are approx. 5 minute activities, then I rest after each strenuous output. Ha.
My dad is also helping out by (not only sharing mom with me daily) but he calls me each day with some jokes to make me laugh. He said that’s the best medicine.
I have returned to the hospital 3 times since my release so they can check labs and give IV’s if needed. Today there was a man who looked pretty good, so I asked if he had been through this process. He said it had been 8 years ago, but he told the Dr. it was the best thing that had happened to him. Wow, just what I needed to hear as I strive for patience with little improvements each day.
It has been a miraculous process to witness. The old skin peeled off my hands and I have watched the new cells form baby soft skin. The same is happening in my mouth and other unseen areas. Such a cleansing and renewal is taking place! My hope is that my heart will also be stripped of hard, old cells, and impurities removed, replaced with Christlike love. That would be the true miracle . . . but that is already available to everyone through the atonement!
I checked out of the hospital after 26 days. This is about average for many patients, but shorter for others. I usually had a family member visit me each day, which was a blessing, but many of the hours seemed to go very slowly. They had a TV in my room and a big library of dvd’s, but my vision was too blurry to watch anything. I was happy to have Kathy’s laptop, but my fingers/mind wouldn’t work right. So I did a lot of pondering and visiting (talking out loud) with the Lord. He understands chemo brain. (Kind of like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, minus the dramatics). I tried to keep the thoughts positive and a big bulletin board of family pictures directly in front of my bed helped with that. That was my focus and brought up many fun conversations about my beautiful family and the upcoming wedding.
One world record I might have broken was that I ate cooked oatmeal with a half cut up washed banana in it, three meals a day for the entire 26 days. It worked for me. There were times I could barely swallow and my mouth sores were so bad, that the soft texture would just slide down. It agreed with my taste buds and stayed down most of the time. I didn’t have to decide what I wanted each meal. Some days I would eat a few bites, and other days, more. Some of the nurses teased me about my diet, but I didn’t have to be fed via IV tube.
Some things I took for granted again and now realize that I’m home: I can flush the toilet. They had to measure every drop in and out of me, so I never got to flush. My dad was the hero when he bought me some very soft toilet paper. Theirs was so thin, you could see through it. I also get to brush with a real toothbrush. I could only use sponge ones there so my mouth wouldn’t bleed. I also have a heater in my bathroom I can control during my showers.
My goal now is to be able to attend my daughter’s wedding (sealing) on the afternoon of the 18th. It may be with wheelchair, gloves, masks, and maybe just parents, but it will be worth it. The Dr.’s think this can work, so I’m trying to do more water drinking, walking, getting out in the sun each day, and doing back exercises. Keep in mind these are approx. 5 minute activities, then I rest after each strenuous output. Ha.
My dad is also helping out by (not only sharing mom with me daily) but he calls me each day with some jokes to make me laugh. He said that’s the best medicine.
I have returned to the hospital 3 times since my release so they can check labs and give IV’s if needed. Today there was a man who looked pretty good, so I asked if he had been through this process. He said it had been 8 years ago, but he told the Dr. it was the best thing that had happened to him. Wow, just what I needed to hear as I strive for patience with little improvements each day.
It has been a miraculous process to witness. The old skin peeled off my hands and I have watched the new cells form baby soft skin. The same is happening in my mouth and other unseen areas. Such a cleansing and renewal is taking place! My hope is that my heart will also be stripped of hard, old cells, and impurities removed, replaced with Christlike love. That would be the true miracle . . . but that is already available to everyone through the atonement!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)